I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
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