my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
this is an emotional support booty call
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
