It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
