Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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