Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
