If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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