It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize