chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
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Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
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Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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