literally had 100 drinks last night.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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