Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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