I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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