Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
