I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
