you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
