I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize