I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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