Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
