Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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