Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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