No awkward lesbian experiences without me
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
