allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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