you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize