i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
