Only a mothe r could love this liver
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
