Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
