i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
