Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
