you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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