No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize