either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My vagina just clenched in fear
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize