college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
