That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
