"it" just moved
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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