I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You can't just leave with hair like that
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
