Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
