thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
