so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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