i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Terrible idea I love it
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
