Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
