Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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