just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
