Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I don't want my vagina anymore.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
