what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Well I just put wine in my tea
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
