Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
