I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
