Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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