So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
