How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
