so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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