There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
