my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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