Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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