wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just want to make out with him forever
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
