im holly from the hills drunk
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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