weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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