Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I am available for nakedness
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
