You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
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Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
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He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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