I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
