I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
