Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
