that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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