I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
