I wish my penis had an off switch
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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