what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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