i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
