You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
handjob tips. give me some.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
