It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Randomize
