your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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