He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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