she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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