Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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